Who did I lose you may ask? I didn't lose any one person, I lost over 10,000. Of course I didn't really lose a person at all, but every single picture I've taken over the last 12 years. I lost, in one terrible moment, every memory...every moment of time I've had the joy to capture over the last 4,380 days.
I will never again see the picture I took of Natalie on my first trip to the NICU. Or the picture of Riley's first lost tooth. Boston's first day of football is gone forever. Even if I spent every day for the rest of my life trying, I will never be able to recapture those moments.
How do I ever replace the picture of the boys parading around like Dolly Parton with balloons in their shirts? Or that one of Papa and the boys in their convict costumes. Even if I tried I could'nt recreate the look of joy on Derek's face the exact moment he opened door and told us Emily was finally here. The day I rung the "cancer free" bell will have to live on in my memory, because my only pictures of that moment are gone...erased. Priceless...once in a lifetime moments... gone forever.
I know for some of you pictures are just that...pictures. You take em, maybe even frame a few...but for the most part they live on CD's or in boxes you may or may not ever look at again.
When I look back at a picture I don't just see the picture, I see the moment....that moment. No other moment will ever be just like it. Every single picture I take is precious to me. I don't drag around my 10 pound camera bag because I love it. I don't spend endless hours editing...sorting...printing and re-printing because I have nothing better to do. I do it because taking pictures is my love language. Capturing life on "film" is how I show love to the people that matter most to me.
To be honest, today I don't care if I ever take another picture. Losing the last 12 years has made capturing the next 12 seem pointless. I know I won't feel that way forever, I know one day soon Riley will yell "mom! take a picture" and I will. But for today...not today.
On a brighter, less melodramatic note...
I JUST GOT THE OFFICIAL WORD...
IT"S A BOY!
William (Will) Patrick Burks
Karlie, Makayla and Natalie are going to have a baby brother!
oh no! How did that happen?
ReplyDeleteI just stacked up some cd's of pictures in our lock box at the bank, because if our house ever burnt down, I would really want those:) kinda silly, but true
I am so sorry. I had that happen to me but it was before I got really into photography and so even though we lost some irreplaceable pictures, I learned a lesson and now I am like the federal government. Everything in triplicate!
ReplyDeleteBut at least you have the pictures that are on your blog. I know it is not everything but something is better than nothing.
are you absolutely sure you cannot get them back???? my computer crashed and i mean CRASHED. i was horrified b/c like you, the only thing i have ever wanted to save if my house burnt to the ground were my pictures. i've even got the plan in my head on how to grab the CPU AND my big huge storage tub full of them on my way out the door. (don't have a plan to get the kids out but at least i'll have pictures of them) anyway, the guy had to erase everything on mine and install new programs. but he was able to save ALL my files. he said since they weren't .exe files then they were untouched my that nasty horrible virus.
ReplyDeletemaybe you should get a second opinion. or i could give you the number of the guy that fixed ours...it took a long time but that's okay if he saved my pics
I am so sorry for your loss! I cry with you girlfriend! :( Try Karen's computer guy! It's worth a shot! I would do anything too!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear that happened Cassie. We thought that our computer had crahed not too long ago and that we had lost all our pictures of the girls and those special moments. Luckily we bought a backup device that attaches to our computer that keeps all our pictures safe, sorry again that stinks!
ReplyDeleteOh no! I would lose my mind if I lost all my pictures!
ReplyDelete